Sentimental Heart

Not a typical check up

Today, my mother told me I had to get my eye checked up because something it’s viral and etc. So we went to the hospital and everything. When I reached to the room/clinic, I sat down and filled some papers. Right after I did that, the song “Dust in the Wind” started playing. I was kinda frantic because I imagined myself dying because of something eye related (like in Final Destination 5). While the song was playing, I sat down and got to that machine where you place your chin and your head stays still. Fortunately, I didn’t need my eye to get laser-ed or something I just had it checked. 

I’m not dead, so yeah. Pretty dope. 

I’m getting soft.

I’ve been so vulnerable and not much people seem to care. I’m not being all depressed about my life. I’m just expressing my emotions (a typical reason for having a blog).

What happened to being independent? Being happy? The type of happiness where you can’t deny it. You can say with your whole heart, you are happy. What happened to the youth? I’m part of it, and I feel different than before. What happened?

When life gives you lemons, what happens?

I have to empty my cup.

For the past few days, I’ve been so stressed. It’s mainly because of council work, homeworks, quizzes and my characteristic of procrastinating things. I think I have this mentality that I could just accomplish things right away. Obviously, it’s not that easy. 

I don’t know what’s been going on with me. Maybe because I’ve been jealous of my other friends who always get what they want and I’m just the person there in the corner, just waiting for them to tell me. I don’t know. I think I just feel so empty because I don’t know what I want.

Now, ask yourself. What do you want? Aside from all those material things. I think I’m craving for something that isn’t tangible. Emotion, Thoughts, Effort. I think I need that.This empty feeling in me keeps bugging my system. I become all bipolar and crap. It isn’t healthy. Having mood swings even without your Japan flag is just weird. Ironically, I’m telling you that having mood swings is just horrible and I have them. I don’t know.

I feel so undecided. I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what my goals are. I don’t know why I am so depressed. I’ve been so uninspired for the passed month already. Thinking positive is just temporary. After a while, it’ll just fade away.

It sucks doesn’t it? Maybe, all I need is to empty my cup. Not literally. Jeez. I think my brain is filled with so much emotion. It doesn’t have enough capacity to grasp on everything I should feel. I try to let go, but then not everything goes away. There’s this part of me that still dwells on the past. I don’t know how to get over. My brain is just overflowing with too much things. I can’t handle it.

I don’t know how to let go. It’s hard.I just need to empty my cup.

Today I am a year older

I feel weird honestly. I’m not really expecting anything, but I got more than expected. Thank you guys! :)

Anxiety.

thatgirlovertherainbow:

A small word which can describe a large set of emotions, which usually can be worry, worried, frightened, scared, paranoid, feelingpersecuted right up to schizophrenia/paranoid schitzophrenia. 

That’s according to Urban Dictionary. That’s also how I mostly feel. I miss everyone. I hope everything will still be the same.

You can’t always get what you want

I don’t even know how to explain today. It’s has been so bipolar. I hate my irresponsibility. I hate my self esteem. I don’t even think I can handle under pressure now and it’s all because I was so stupid into thinking that organizing my things could lead to better results. But no, it doesn’t happen like that. 

Losing something very important to you, it may be a relative, national hero or even an art project, is just horrible. I can feel your pain, I’m having this feeling right now. It’s like a knife is stuck in your heart and you can’t you anything about it. I am just annoyed, disappointed, fucked and everything. I don’t even know it was possible for this to happen. I mean, not at this moment, not like how it happened. 

But, anyway I believe my kaibigan has a plan for me. He made this happen for me for a reason. A reason I should never forget. I almost gave up. But I will never, ever lose hope. Knowing somebody will be there for you when all hope is gone is just a blessing.

I take it back. I take it back.

I knew this would happen. I tried my best to just forget about this happening but, it did. Crap. 

So, I am running against my bestfriend for BM in F Council. I told her I really wanted it and that was the day before we had a meeting for the final list of candidates, so she “had” to run for BM also. But, I eventually got “OKAY” after awhile. So what could possibly happen now!

So I watched X-Men: First Class and X-Men: The Last Stand on the same day for comparison.

I watched the third movie because I couldn’t find the first one. This is a comparison between the two movies only and not the comic books. 

Attention: THIS WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS. 

*I did not read the comics and this is just from my brother.*

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Ahh, just freaking bullshark.

Do you ever get the feeling of being so annoyed easily? Thinking, “oh just shut the hell up already, I know what I’m doing!” shindig? Yeah. The feeling is horrible. It’s just unfair. It doesn’t even feel like you are being heard. Like, you’re just invisible and no one cares what you think. Truth is, it’s hard being misunderstood at some points, especially when the person who supports you the most, doesn’t understand you- at all. I don’t really know how to deal with this blank feeling in my gut. I just feel worthless. I know, I might sound overreacting to you right now, but I just don’t have the words to really explain how I feel in the inside. It’s more than just a blank feeling of being worthless. Fire freaking truck.